1. |
Bluecifer I
00:38
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2. |
Don't Cut Your Hair
03:47
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very buried in baggy clothes,
just what you think you're hiding nobody knows
but if you think that you're gonna die so soon,
you can be safe here in your room
it's your choice, the people that you see,
but they're not gonna tell you just who to be
and the only way that you need to grow
is to realize what you already know,
and don't cut your hair.
wake up, draw a picture, go to bed
wake up, do it again
stay up late way after the curtain falls
breathe the dust in from the bedsheets, mold in the walls
it's your choice, the people that you see
bodies of people that you want to be
floorboards screaming! eat a pop tart! go to sleep!
wake up, don't recall your dreams.
and don't cut your hair.
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3. |
Going Back to Indiana
02:36
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I'm going back to Indiana,
Indiana here I come.
I'm going back to Indiana
'cause I've got more than enough here I can run away from,
'cause I am punk rock in my dreams
riding around on a greyhound bus,
valuing people and decentering things,
but in my real life I'm just this:
watching my hair recede in the rearview,
as I drive from the east coast to Indianapolis
And I can't deal with my desire,
and I can't forgive myself for being such a liar
grit my teeth and say it straight:
wake up another day and pray that the sisters of savings will save me from this car body that I hate!
'cause I am different in my dreams
growing my hair out as long as I want to,
as I stare at the scenery in my tight black jeans
but my dreams are strange to me
and I know that I'd be scared of them
if I took them more seriously, but I don't.
I'm going back to Indiana
Indiana, here I come
I'm going back to Indiana
'cause that's where my lover's from.
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4. |
Paul Bunyon
02:24
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I had a dream that I was flying
I was naked & it was chilly
and I landed on a platform
with a doorbell, which I rang
and Britney answered, she was naked
and her face was The Mask
I was flustered, tripped and blushed
and then I fell down on my ass.
I was sitting on a flat plane
pink and blue and enormous,
the ground shook
and I looked up:
it was you only giant!
and you sat down on my belly,
and I woke up seventeen.
I got a phone call in the morning
I was crossing the state line,
unfamiliar number
New Jersey area code.
& I picked up
& I answered
& I thought that I heard you,
you were breathing
and not-speaking
and then you hung up the phone
I was driving Indiana,
green and yellow and rolling
and I made myself forget it
but I felt your heavy ghost,
lighting flames under my toes
and burning them to toast
I feel hopelessly far gone now
from that house in New Jersey
where I talked to you on speaker,
Britney sitting quiet there
but I see statues of Paul Bunyon
and I think you would like them
big and blue eyed
with a pickaxe
and I see them everywhere.
I like to think our ghosts just walk down Lafayette,
never stopping
never starting
talking about this and that
yours has Tripp Pants, mine has long hair,
they're both sixteen and that's that.
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5. |
Important
03:01
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Our apartment
dark & tiny & red
I don't know what to feel when I look at you
sitting on the bed,
and even though I
can't fall asleep at nights,
I still feel happy in the daylight hours
most of the time,
& I am somewhere important.
I am learning about myself.
I am exploring new emotional horizons,
all while preserving my health
& that's very important.
Footsteps echoing
all the way down the hall
maybe administrative assistance
is not my personal call,
and even though the Grand Canyon
is precious time away,
I still feel happy in the daylight hours
most days,
& I am still somewhere important.
I am getting to know us
I am exploring our textures,
& learning more from you than I could ever learn
in Russian History lectures,
& that's very important.
I don't think I should feel so on edge
alone in my car
I wish I was happier
just to be where you are.
But I am still somewhere important.
I am living a real life.
Digging deeper into this dirt than I ever thought I would,
under my fingernails
cool and nice
and important.
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6. |
Ghost of Me
02:14
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Don't remember what I dreamed,
but I remember you were there
three big spoons of Folger's grinds
out the door and race to work on time
white Chevy next to mine
red velvet warming on the inside,
and you are somewhere else
watching the red sun rise
what if I told you
that this is a lonely place?
I think that you know me
and i miss your face.
Skinny dipping in July
underneath the black Ohio sky
feels like another life
the water cool around me tight
plastic buttons make me bleed,
but somewhere I'm awake and free
and I am of the earth,
and I'm alright
and what if I told you
that you might be the ghost of me?
would you turn into nothing
or would you just be?
I am never gonna go back to the place that taught me the real truth about me because it already gave me what it was worth and I don't forgive it. Which is a shame, because when I think about it, I think of its grey lakes and haunted creeks and coffee-smell. I hope that this place with its huge shining sun and puffy mountains and warm winters and open plains inspires you to never come back.
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7. |
Sparse Matrix Technology
02:41
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Wrote another sad song today
Felt grim and numb at verse #1,
and at the end I felt the same.
and I don't know what daemon holds my pen,
but I hope it's one that I am stronger than.
I wanna write a song that's fun and free
if I sing it right, it'll feel like a life
as told in A/A/B/B
when I sing it, it'll grow my tiny heart
but like always, I don't know where to start.
My therapist won't talk about Judith B. (this is a reference to Judith Butler)
but I'm looking for something,
and it isn't Authenticity
the self contains no hope for anything
it is a bad, bad reason for to sing,
But I-don't-want-to-sing-one-more-sad-song!
I don't want sad boys to throw
their heads back and sing along
so I've got to commit to something new
and listen loud and look for something true
and not-know-what-to-do.
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8. |
Kentucky Nights
01:59
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Rode in to Louisville, middle of the spring
Found that tiny green house we'd heard about, let the doorbell ring
Took the key out from under the mat and let ourselves inside
Clowns painted on every wall with grinning green eyes
We set our things down on the couch
We stretched our tired legs out
I am having fun with you,
I am spilling up over and out
Stayed out dancing 'til we couldn't dance anymore
And before we got back to clown-house and were locked out on the porch,
We got into the car and accidentally drove over the Ohio twice!
I felt like somebody somewhere must love me
We were laughing and I felt alright,
And if love can save us
Then love will save us
(but sometimes love just isn't enough)
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9. |
South Bend
02:51
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Gonna drive out to where the highway ends
Gonna drive all the way out to South Bend, Indiana
I am tired, you are tired
We're both hot and uninspired
here in South Bend, Indiana
Close my eyes and breathe the heat in,
try to remember what we're chasing
wish we could be light and easy
hair matted to our faces
three hours away from Indianapolis
(that's where our place is.)
([Not South Bend.[)
([(Indiana.)])
And I have been to Muncie,
and I have been to Kokomo
been to the corners of the crossroads
but there's one place I'd like to go:
back to Ohio
and I never thought I'd say it,
but I miss our tiny town
dark and cosy in its own way
where I know my way around
where my bike is, and I ride it
so I never have to drive
and the endless lengths of route 31
will never cross my eyes!
Not like in South Bend, Indiana
We are not beautiful right now
I wanna stop my heart from beating
but we are far away from home,
feel better in the morning.
(when I'm not in South Bend)
([Indiana])
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10. |
Bananas
02:42
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drive under the bridge
that connects the center city mall
watch people walk by slowly
in ones and twos, lifted tall
above Washington
turn left past the capitol building
someone runs into the street
brake quickly, heart racing
like a nightmare. get something to eat
drive to the coffee shop
have an earl grey
sit by the window, look at the Marsh
Grocery Store. at the produce display
ripe bananas.
out here where the city breathes slowly
and the sky is bright and clear
I am surprised when Natasha asks me,
and I hear my voice say:
I like it here.
It's starting to feel home.
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11. |
Bluecifer II
00:39
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talk about places that stretch on endlessly,
talk about punches in the face
I could swear the last two or three months
never happened in the first place
I can picture a dark studio apartment
I don't know where I've been
rode into Connecticut somehow,
on the back of a blowing black wind
and I am picking up the pieces
and I'm connecting all the dots
and I am studying my reflection.
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12. |
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Gonna fly out to where the plains end
Gonna fly all the way to Denver, Colorado
I am tired, Evan's strange
We're both stranded and unfazed
When we touch down in Denver, Colorado
And the sun here's big like nothing
they have in Indiana,
in Denver nobody knows me.
call a cab, they're playing Rihanna.
(bitch better have my money)
and in Denver with my brother
I feel worlds and worlds away
from that studio we lived in
downtown in the Hoosier state,
and I miss your constant company
and I miss the river creek
and new copies of Nuvo on the table every week
on east 9th street
and I think about you every time
that I step into Target
buying Evan dorm room furniture
desk lamp, shag carpet
and one time, I swear to God
I thought I saw you 'round the aisle
I hope you're doing okay
back in Ohio.
Wanna give something to Evan, some story I can sell him
If I knew what the hell I was doing, then this is what I'd tell him:
Stay hydrated. Make time for your homework during the day. Make time for your friends and let it be very intentional. Also make time for yourself during the day even though I don't know what that means for you. I think you're solitary like me. I also think that you, in the deep parts that are secret even from yourself, are looking for something. Trying to see with greater clarity. I think (like me) you didn't think you could do that without leaving.
Someone says you're not mature.
I don't say "bullshit".
It's okay to sabotage yourself. It's even okay to ruin yourself because you are your own best friend (like me) and it will be a worthy test of your friendship.
Get lost. Then look around. Take a change of socks with you. You can use Purell as deodorant.
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13. |
Things Roll
04:42
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I woke up fresh in fear
blinked and everything was dark and clear
the clock read 4:00am,
grabbed the blanket, turned to face it
and I tried hard to go back to bed.
My bones are thick and dull
The air pushed on my skull
What did I do last night?
Thank God I got the text,
Natasha made it home alright.
Long shadows cross the walls
I stumbled down the hall,
Looked in the mirror for a minute straight,
Wondered when my glassy eyes
were gonna give up and roll off my face
Wanna switch from coffee to tea
Wanna be more like I used to be
Wanna drive my car to New Jersey,
come alive and feel the carpet fibers underneath my feet
The daylight pressed inside,
So I tightened up the blinds
But I saw the sun spill in,
Watched it settle on the carpet
and I felt a chill roll down my skin
My ghosts all chased me here,
I'm lighting candles so they disappear
Cause their haunted company
is worse & worse & worse & worse
than any loneliness could be
Russian sage flowers all in bloom
against the window of my basement room
feel like I thawed from ice,
but when you live your life like I have
sometimes this is the price
Things roll on,
all things deliver.
When I wake up tomorrow I will be brand new
Pray that someone's gonna show me what signals I should listen to.
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Marion Hrwtz Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
An archive of mixtapes & other weird ephemera... check out The Great Swamps' 2017 self titled release at: greatswamps.bandcamp.com
Marion Hrwtz recommends:
The Great Swamps
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This is the album that Sky Kalfus, Maxray Savage and I released in November, 2017.
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